There is too much free time to fill to being unemployed, too much time to think and reflect.
I'm 24 years old and I'm not at all where I thought I would be at this age.
When I was 18, 24 seemed so grown-up, like I by then would be all "done" figuring out my life.
But it feels like I'm so far behind, I compare myself with other people my age who have jobs and can afford to travel and do fun things.
I have never traveled somewhere, I have not even seen that much of the country I live in. I have always been poor. I was sent out into adulthood without any savings from a parent which has made it difficult to get ahead in life. I don't have my drivinglicense yet and it feels like every time I meet a new person they look down on me because of this, I do not know how many times I have been asked why my parents did not pay it for me? Is it that common that parents can afford paying for their childrens license?
I have a student loan from my two educations which apparently didn't bring me anywhere near a job that I'm supposed to start paying off this year with money I do not have, so I hope I can get a suspension until I have a job. I'm so scared right now that they will decide that I do have to start paying back the money next month.
I should be an adult now, I should have a secure economy and be able to do things I have always wanted. When I think about the number 24 life suddenly feels so short, I feel stressed like I haven't really been livin enough for that amount of years I have been on this planet. That's what I think about everyday, even though I deep inside know it's stupid thoughts. I know that there is no "right" way to live an adult life, but I so much wish that I would get the life I've never had. Where can actually walk into to a grocerystore and think; Oh I'm wanna buy this fruit! Without having to ponder about whether it's too expensive for me.
To finally don't have to worry about money every awake hour.