Tuesday, December 29, 2015

2015 review

This year begun really badly. I had so so much pain, I was on the doctors a lot to give me an MRI so that I would at least know how it looks inside. But they argued that, since my endometriosiscysts are so visible it would be wasted. So in February I felt really shitty both mentally and physically, I worked, came home and buried myself in books and movies to avoid thinking about anything.
In early March, I started to think how I could solve this situation, I read everything I could about how people with endometriosis had improved their problems, and I came across some article about training.
I was not excited. I had so much pain that just the thought of running made my whole body ache.
But I started. Very slow with an indoor walking video I found on youtube. I started with 2-3 days a week, and the first few times I did not do the whole video. It was 30 minutes long and I had to lay down and breathe deeply in the middle because it hurted so much. My ovaries was on fire from the jumping, and knee-lift or sit-ups, I quickly realized that I had to skip overall.
But I did not give up, and after three weeks the workouts at least stopped giving me worse after effects, I started to get more and more good days, days without any pain at all and my intake of painmedication decreased radically.
In connection with my new life as a fitness freak I cut off my long hair that had bothered me for years. It felt like I had healed myself at so many levels. :)
It is now 10 months since I started with my workouts, and I will never stop.
Yes, I still have bad days, I still can't do high knees and jumping is totally out of question on some days. And without my painkillers I wouldn't even come out of my bed on really bad days. But there is a difference, an extreme difference that I can feel and I am so grateful to myself for doing this.
I feel strong, fit and healthy!

I have managed some things this year that I did not believe I could, like when I visited a actionbath with my sister and husband and had so much fun even though I have had aquaphobia in several years!
I've started to try and eat some things that my stomach could not handle before, and a lot of it I can eat now. I have no idea why but I am grateful.

I was also selected to participate in a study of pain in Uppsala, so I got two MRI-scans in October. Now I have not been told the exact results of those yet, but over the phone, I have received reassurance that there isn't something dangerous or life-threatening going on in there so that is comforting and soothing.

Many of my friends often gives me links to places to seek bakery jobs at, it's very nice that they think of me because many people still associate me with it, but I have realized that I have let go off that dream completely. I will never regret my pastryeducation, it was so much fun but it is already four years ago now, and new dreams took place this year, and one of them is to help others. One day I really would like to work with inspiring and helping others as a personal trainer or starting some sort of a health center.

These were my promises for 2015:

- Start singing in a choir again (x)
- Work out at least one day a week (x)
- Visit a spa ( )
- Socialize more with friends (x)

I did everything beside visiting a spa, haha. I'm having a problem with getting that in my calender it seems :P I'm not so active in the choir though, I will try to go more often in 2016.

For 2016 I really want to focus on:
- Finding a new job ()
- Don't stress about work at home ()
- Keep working out but also take more walks ()
- Be myself more and take less shit from other people ()
- Do a healthy detox ()
- Visit a spa ()

This song has been my motivation soundtrack this year when times were hard and the pain just was too much!

White noise in my head
Burning ashes on the floor
Trouble in the air
I didn't sign up for this war

Hurting just to fight
Burning to ignite
Gotta die to stay alive

Hit me one more time
One, two, three, just give me more
'Cause with every strike
I'll be stronger than before

To end this, here is my hairstory for 2015, various styles and colors, yay! :D


  1. "Be myself more and take less shit from other people." Yup. SO MUCH UP. Congratulations on working out and making yourself feel better. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK! (((HUGS)))

  2. I love these photos! I remember you doing this last year and I am happy you are keeping up with the tradition. I never suffered from endometriosis personally but know others who have. I understand how hard it is to suffer. *hugs* Good for you on taking care of yourself! Hope you reach all your 2016 goals!

    1. Yes I have been doing it since 2010 I belivie :D

      Thank you and happy new year!

  3. It's good you finally got the MRI results. Not knowing things is the worst! And good for you for sticking with the exercising. I'm glad to hear it's helping with the endometriosis. :)

    I'll have to check my last year's goals ... pretty sure I didn't quite get to all of them yet. ;)

    1. Yes, It's good to know because earlier I wasn't sure if I should visit the emergency room because I often feel like it's the appendix bothering me and now I know it isn't ^^

  4. That's pretty amazing to hear you were able to rid yourself of most of your pain-- truly inspiring!
    Right on!

  5. I love the hair collage! I am glad that you were able to manage your pain quite a lot! Hope the new year will be great for you! Your new job goal sounds good!

    1. Thanks! Happy new year, I hope you will have an awesome year ^_^

  6. You are amazing for sticking with your training the way you did :) I can only imagine how difficult that must have been and I think your experiences with it will really help you when you do decide to pursue it as a career!

    Reading this makes me so happy for you, here is to 2016 :)

    1. Thank you :D I'm so happy because I really like it! I always look forward to workout.