Saturday, March 3, 2018

Challenge day 3, A fear

I am great at fear. I wish I wasn't. I'm afraid of SO.MANY,THINGS.
But I feel that I should pick one for this entry and I will choose cancer.
I have been afraid of cancer since I was 7 years old when my uncles wife died from breastcancer.
My last memory of her was when we met her buying ice-cream, she was bald and looked so tired and explained to my mum that ice-cream was the only thing she didn't puke after eating. Not so long after that she passed away.

And after that I have had this fear of getting that sick. I'm not afraid of dying but I'm very scared of slowly dying in pain. So that's my biggest fear of them all. I always check for weird bumps on my body, I don't know how many times my husband has had to calm me down when I think I have something weird going on.
The past 2 years I have been going to the doctors a lot because of my cervical lesions/abnormalities (don't really know what it is in english??) which makes my hypochondria sooo much worse. I'm so scared every time I get the letter from the hospital.

I really hope my whole life won't be like this, sometimes I'm scared that I will get cancer just because I have been "expecting" it my whole life. Yup, I'm a real psycho.

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