Sunday, April 7, 2013
I realized that I promised a post about my faith, and now is the time!
I often call myself a christian even though I do not agree with so much in the Bible.
I have, as far back in my life I can remember, had a faith in God. My mother used to pray with us kids when I was a child, but she has never forced religion on me. My faith, I have found myself.
Because my family and relatives are baptists, I was neither confirmed or baptized as a child so I chose myself to do it when I was 15 years old. and I'm happy I got to choose that myself because it's one of my greatest memories.
Priest was my dreamjob for many many years. However, what made me almost lose faith completely was when I started studying religion courses. I thought that I should read a distancecourse in religion before I begun my priest-education, to see how it was. It was a really smart choice. All religions confused me and I couldn't understand why there are so many when they still are so similar! I finished the class with one faith left and that is that there is something. But I can't say which religion is the true one, so it felt wrong to stand and preach about something I'm not sure of. With a heavy heart, I put the priest idea on the shelf.
If it wasn't for God, and the wonderful people who worked in the church and all the churchactivities I was so happy with during my teenage years, I don't know what my life would have looked like today.
I was depressed, ostracized in my school and felt so lonely when I begun visiting the church. A belief can save lives and I am sure it has saved more than mine, and then it does not matter if it was Buddha or God who did it. My belief is that there is something/someone watching over me, helping me when I need support.
I am not bound to the Bible, I think I have actually created myself my own little religion just for me..
I have created an image of the God I would like to believe in.
To quote a Swedish author about his faith:
"My God, are the vulnerables God, womens God, the homosexuals God. My God is ostracizeds God, the sufferings God, the weaks God., I declare war against the other God."
According to the Bible the gay people were stoned, a woman can't be a priest and God never forgives anything. This is something I have never been able to understand. I have read both the Old and New Testaments, but the God I meet in the New Testament is not the same God as in the old.
Jesus was the good, the forgiving and God seemed to be the one who was punishing and resentful.
So to be honest, I have not been reading in the Bible since I was 18..
I think that people have adapted the bible according to how they thought people should be living at the time and wanted people to be scared of God. Maybe Jesus came and change all that, I don't know. :)
If there were to be a new bible written today for example it would not be like the old testament at all.
I know and feel in my heart that God exists, but sometimes I'm hesitant to call myself a Christian because I don't want to stand for everything the Bible says so I usually prefer to call myself follower of Jesus!